the same old plot

i watched this movie last night. its about a nerdy boy who has lofty dreams of getting away from his hum-drum job and actually using his creative talent to produce something awesome. and then his girlfriend of five years dumps him, and he is crushed. he tries to get away from her and ends up repeatedly running into her. he also accidentally meets a girl at her work and starts to sorta date her. but she gets concerned that it is too soon after his old relationship has ended, and this causes drama. oh, and nerdy boy also discovers that his ex had been cheating on him for a year before they actually broke up. which sorta causes him to hate her a bit and feel shitty about himself.

no, they did not make a movie about my life. and maybe the nerdy boy in the movie dreams of producing a rock opera about dracula using puppetry, instead of a dark thriller film. and maybe the movie in question takes place in hawaii, instead of capitol hill, like my life. okay, let's be honest. i am talking about 'forgetting sarah marshall,' and i just like finding vague life lessons in film and TV and attempting to apply them to my life. i'm over it.

but really. funny, great movie. not like, oscar materiel, but you know. and there are a lot of similarities to my own life. i mean, barista boy is, well, a barista. and while his ex-girlfriend is not a movie star, but rather a well-known bartender in the area, same diff.

back to reality. barista boy's childhood friend was in town this week, so that the two could start some work on a film that both of them have dreamt of working on for years. i had heard the plotting and planning for a while, but had not really understood the magnitude of this project. like, they are seriously making a movie. sorta crazy.

anyways, the whole week was occupied with the two boys running around scouting out filming locations, gathering an art department, casting and a whole lotta other stuff i didn't understand. i was excited for my guy, but a bit disappointed that i couldn't see him so much. on night five of film craziness 2009, i texted him. i knew he was doing a lot of planning with his friend that night, but couldn't we all meet in a bar and take an hour break to relax with a pitcher? well, turns out he was already at a bar. huh. with his friend, of course, having a "meeting." with the art department too. well, fine. i had been planning on going out with a few of my roommates, and turns out their bar of choice coincided with barista boy's bar. perfect.

at the bar, i spotted him right away. not wanting to interrupt, i just threw over a brief smile and mouthed, 'hi.' barista boy, in the middle of excitedly explaining some story, saw me and waved me over. i stopped by for a minute and explained that my friends were coming too (trying not to seem as though i was stalking him) and we would be sitting at the bar. 'stop by and visit?' i asked coyly. he grinned.

yeah, right. an hour later, my friends are at the bar with me, laughing and gettin' tipsy and throwing peanut shells on the floor. across the bar, barista boy's friends are doing the same. everyone is having a jolly good ol' time, except for me. he is still sitting at his table, drinking a third pitcher and hasn't even walked the twenty seconds across the damn bar to say hi to my friends. he isn't busy with planning out his epic film, he is just boozing and laughing. what's worse, he is laughing with the annoyingly cute 'art department' girls who keep flashing me bitchy stares every time i look over at the boy. well, i refuse to walk over to his table. i came here with friends, not to see him! and if he wants to hang out, i will be right over here.

two hours in, i am pissed. i am stress eating peanuts and there is a growing mound of rage at my feet. i think i have drank about five beers, but my brain is clear as a bell, working its way into a spiral of frustration. he is still with his friends. my friends are oblivious to the whole situation at this point, thank god. how embarrassing. my own man-friend* won't even come say hi. i feel like an idiot.

if i felt like an idiot then, i felt even more like an idiot ten minutes later. a large group of his friends got up to leave, clearing space for my friends to transfer over to his table. we all squished into the booth, somehow getting myself placed in the highly unfortunate spot next to his intoxicated friend and two art department girls away from my boy. more of my friends showed up and, wonderful as they are, attempted to make conversation with all his friends. as i attempted to avoid conversation with drunk childhood friend (speech was happening at a painfully slow speed), all i could do was stare across the table, at the two art department girls (alyiah and maya or some other dumb dead r&b artist names, i don't know). again, my boy was drunk, oblivious, and some dumb bitch was grabbing his arm and flirting with him. NOT DOWN.

the finale to the trainwreck of a night was about to happen. alyiah turns to me (finally noticing me!) and asks my name. i tell it to her, staring her down. 'oh!' she says, smiling like a smart-ass who already knew exactly who i was. 'so, you're her. hm. nice. well, i've known this boy for many years. you see, i'm good friends with annie.'

oh, really, we're going there?

nice. so ex-girlfriend's name is pulled out, like some sort of hidden grenade. just for your info, sweetheart, she seemed to say haughtily. immediately after putting out the 'i hate your face because you're fucking with my friend's ex,' she smiles icily and goes back to leaning all over the boy. i am speechless. and raging. and my stupid boy is completely unaware of anything. fuck it.

i leave, ready to never come back. he comes outside, asks me where i'm going. home. he says he is going to go smoke pot with his buddies, and will i be around later? i shrug my shoulder and walk off. bastard. two hours later, after having a mini cry and falling asleep, he texts me. i ignore it. her texts me again, i tell him im asleep. he asks if he can stay over. i tell him the back door will be unlocked, but don't expect me to be awake.

as i am writing all this, i am wondering. why do i keep putting up with all this bullshit? on one hand, i know he just got out of a five-year relationship. i want him to run around, drink more than usual, let loose with his buddies, be accountable to no one. he needs it. he's been cooped up for half a decade. but on the other hand, i know that i haven't just gotten out of a relationship. i've spent the past few years running around, getting it out of my system. i want a fucking relationship. i want a boyfriend. i want to be able to rely on him, communicate with him, trust him. i don't want to have to nag him, train him, take care of him like some sort of worn-out mother. i hate that i have to remind him to study or get sleep or not drink too much. and for someone who isn't even his girlfriend, this sucks. he needs to be single for a while. i knew this from the beginning. and now, i know what i have to do. it just hard to think about doing it.


appendix!

man-friend: another word for suitor, your young man, gentlemen caller, lover, amigovio. definitely NOT synonymous with boyfriend. a great word for when your guy won't fucking commit to anything and you have no idea in hell what to refer to him as.