friday night was a good night. well, it started out perfect. i came home from work, and frey, ruth, jerad and micah were all headed out to the comet for afternoon $1 PBRs. i joined in, and pretty soon we had a beeramid* stacked up in the middle of the table. i turned to frey at one point to mention that i had seen one of our mutual friends come in to my restaurant job. i casually threw in the fact she was with a new man-friend.
silence.
i had opened my big mouth again, and forgot who i was talking about. this friend of ours isn't just anyone. she is micah's two-time ex-girlfriend. and he's not dealing with it well. and i just said the worst thing possible, and now the shit was about to hit the fan. and hit the fan it did. for forty-five minutes we watched micah build the beeramid up to epic proportions, getting more and more cynical and bitter as the beers went down. we all looked around at each other nervously. 'i just am terrified to see her, terrified to hear about her dating someone and honestly, i just can't even deal with hearing her name,' he slurred before excusing himself from our presence and returning home.
true love? or tainted love? i don't know. as we discussed it, frey's phone rang. her face, a bit flushed from the beer, turned a shade of scarlet that wasn't embarrassment or warmth. something new. she ran outside to answer it. no need to ask who it was. frey has about the best situation out of all of us. after years of not really getting into the dating scene of having to wallow in shitty situations, she meets a guy at a coffee convention. they hit it off and begin an adorably innocent phone correspondence. they get to see each other a few other times, in LA, and then in portland for various coffee events. by the end of the portland rendezvous, frey has decided to quit her job, move to san francisco, and date this boy. its a coffee shop fairytale.
there's a lot more to the story, of course, but its nice to something working out. i am truly excited for frey, and her new McBoyfriend. i feel like everyone in my life is in some sort of drama right now, whether good or bad. john came upstairs the other day and suddenly asked me if i would give him advice. surprised, i put down my laptop and looked at him. he has been dating a terrific girl for ... well forever, it seems. after we talked about the pros and cons he decided to go over to his lady's house and talk. i saw him today. they are good. le sigh. then there's nik. his on-again, off-again lady lover came back into his life after tearing it up for a year. nik wonders aloud, is it me or her? did i set myself up to be treated badly? maybe if they can each learn to love themselves, they can turn and offer love to one another in a healthier way, i suggested. he calls her up. last, my friend cortney. she started dating sweet little barista brandon about five months ago. he is a 'friend of the family,' and a well-respected guy at my house. their adorable romance seemed fine, but cortney would confide in me that she felt like she was more invested then he was. after a few months of feeling shitty about being the only one who was saying 'i love you' and meaning it, they broke things off. at first, all of us friends prepared for another split of micah and his ex-girlfriend proportions. we wondered about parties, schedules, started thinking about how to arrange things so no awkward interactions would have to happen. but magically, things are fine! cortney called me on saturday to see if i wanted to play pool, but i was already with brandon. i told her and apologized. but surprisingly, she said she would show up anyways. we all hung out, they are friends, things don't have to change. wow. a good breakup? perhaps it is possible.
back to life. ive been thinking lately. maybe i have lost my standards for relationships. these days, my only requirements include things such as 1. he doesn't steal money from you. 2. he doesn't verbally abuse you. and 3. you speak mostly the same language and/or live in the same country. i mean, that only narrows down the pool a bit. whatever happened to similar interests, liking his family, being great friends, understanding his past, communication skills, and, oh yeah, being head-over-heels for a guy? i mean, really, head-over-heels. seriously.
as my man-friend and i flopped back on his bed last night, reaching for one-another and kissing and 'that was great' sorta stuff happening, i got bold. 'what are we doing?' i asked. 'i mean, what is this? i really like you, but im starting to wonder what this situation is? what should i call it?' my words crashed together as i got more and more nervous. silence. my heart dropped. so bad. i shook his arm, wondering if he had fallen asleep. 'i just... well, what are you thinking?' i whisper. 'i don't know.' he mumbles, not looking me in the eye. i shake his arm again, hoping, like a magic-eight ball, that it will wield a different answer. 'i don't know.' he repeats. i roll over and stare at the ceiling. i know damn well what his answer means. i don't know, means, i don't want to date you. for some reason, that hurts a lot.
i had lunch with a friend the other day. we haven't talked in so long, even though out of my entire friend group, we have always understood each other so well. heck, we have even dated each others' friends. actually, quite often. and in the end, we have always been there for each other. but the last year of my life seems to have separated us. when i left for south america, i broke things off with his good guy friend. it was a bad situation. his guy friend was the ex-boyfriend of the girl he was currently dating. if that makes sense. so while each of us was dating someone, our respective dates were in between fuming at each other and pining for one another. at times, my friend and i felt like props in their crazy post relationship game of war. my friend's lady even started posting rude things about me on myspace, which i couldn't quite take seriously from a 25-year-old who was acting like it was the height of seventh grade. so i quit, stepped away from all that. i knew the girl was hurting my friend, but he was in it for the long haul. i guess they broke up when i went backpacking in march. but by the end of summer, she had reappeared in his life, much to the dismay of all of us friends. they on-again, off-again courtship proceeded into fall, and then winter. we stopped seeing our friend, even though he used to be part of the core group of us kids. and then, in january, things changed. his lady-friend took a vacation. the next day, our buddy was back in action, going out to bars, watching movies, playing pool, going to shows. one night, him, micah, ruth and i went to a show at neumos, got drunk on PBRs, ran up and down broadway and ended up falling asleep in a pile of chips and salsa on the couch in the living room. it was one of the best nights of 2009 for me.
and then, we were back in action. long talks on the front steps about what was going on in our lives. getting coffee. one night, he took me out to the movies and we snuck in beer and candy, throwing popcorn like kids. yesterday, we went out to lunch. throughout everything, i had been avoiding the topic of his lady-friend. but now i jumped boldly into the question. 'so, are you going to keep seeing her, or what?' he looked at me, and shook his head. 'its just that, well, i spent a year and a half trying to wallow through this relationship. and the minute she leaves for this trip, i feel the most free and happy i have felt in a year and a half. i need to feel this way always.'
i want that too. i hope he can be free and happy finally. maybe its time for a little redefining on both our parts.
appendix!
beeramid: do i really need to explain this? a pyramid of beer cans. most impressive when built with such quality beers as PBR, rainier or keystone (light).
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Friday, March 27, 2009
the same old plot
i watched this movie last night. its about a nerdy boy who has lofty dreams of getting away from his hum-drum job and actually using his creative talent to produce something awesome. and then his girlfriend of five years dumps him, and he is crushed. he tries to get away from her and ends up repeatedly running into her. he also accidentally meets a girl at her work and starts to sorta date her. but she gets concerned that it is too soon after his old relationship has ended, and this causes drama. oh, and nerdy boy also discovers that his ex had been cheating on him for a year before they actually broke up. which sorta causes him to hate her a bit and feel shitty about himself.
no, they did not make a movie about my life. and maybe the nerdy boy in the movie dreams of producing a rock opera about dracula using puppetry, instead of a dark thriller film. and maybe the movie in question takes place in hawaii, instead of capitol hill, like my life. okay, let's be honest. i am talking about 'forgetting sarah marshall,' and i just like finding vague life lessons in film and TV and attempting to apply them to my life. i'm over it.
but really. funny, great movie. not like, oscar materiel, but you know. and there are a lot of similarities to my own life. i mean, barista boy is, well, a barista. and while his ex-girlfriend is not a movie star, but rather a well-known bartender in the area, same diff.
back to reality. barista boy's childhood friend was in town this week, so that the two could start some work on a film that both of them have dreamt of working on for years. i had heard the plotting and planning for a while, but had not really understood the magnitude of this project. like, they are seriously making a movie. sorta crazy.
anyways, the whole week was occupied with the two boys running around scouting out filming locations, gathering an art department, casting and a whole lotta other stuff i didn't understand. i was excited for my guy, but a bit disappointed that i couldn't see him so much. on night five of film craziness 2009, i texted him. i knew he was doing a lot of planning with his friend that night, but couldn't we all meet in a bar and take an hour break to relax with a pitcher? well, turns out he was already at a bar. huh. with his friend, of course, having a "meeting." with the art department too. well, fine. i had been planning on going out with a few of my roommates, and turns out their bar of choice coincided with barista boy's bar. perfect.
at the bar, i spotted him right away. not wanting to interrupt, i just threw over a brief smile and mouthed, 'hi.' barista boy, in the middle of excitedly explaining some story, saw me and waved me over. i stopped by for a minute and explained that my friends were coming too (trying not to seem as though i was stalking him) and we would be sitting at the bar. 'stop by and visit?' i asked coyly. he grinned.
yeah, right. an hour later, my friends are at the bar with me, laughing and gettin' tipsy and throwing peanut shells on the floor. across the bar, barista boy's friends are doing the same. everyone is having a jolly good ol' time, except for me. he is still sitting at his table, drinking a third pitcher and hasn't even walked the twenty seconds across the damn bar to say hi to my friends. he isn't busy with planning out his epic film, he is just boozing and laughing. what's worse, he is laughing with the annoyingly cute 'art department' girls who keep flashing me bitchy stares every time i look over at the boy. well, i refuse to walk over to his table. i came here with friends, not to see him! and if he wants to hang out, i will be right over here.
two hours in, i am pissed. i am stress eating peanuts and there is a growing mound of rage at my feet. i think i have drank about five beers, but my brain is clear as a bell, working its way into a spiral of frustration. he is still with his friends. my friends are oblivious to the whole situation at this point, thank god. how embarrassing. my own man-friend* won't even come say hi. i feel like an idiot.
if i felt like an idiot then, i felt even more like an idiot ten minutes later. a large group of his friends got up to leave, clearing space for my friends to transfer over to his table. we all squished into the booth, somehow getting myself placed in the highly unfortunate spot next to his intoxicated friend and two art department girls away from my boy. more of my friends showed up and, wonderful as they are, attempted to make conversation with all his friends. as i attempted to avoid conversation with drunk childhood friend (speech was happening at a painfully slow speed), all i could do was stare across the table, at the two art department girls (alyiah and maya or some other dumb dead r&b artist names, i don't know). again, my boy was drunk, oblivious, and some dumb bitch was grabbing his arm and flirting with him. NOT DOWN.
the finale to the trainwreck of a night was about to happen. alyiah turns to me (finally noticing me!) and asks my name. i tell it to her, staring her down. 'oh!' she says, smiling like a smart-ass who already knew exactly who i was. 'so, you're her. hm. nice. well, i've known this boy for many years. you see, i'm good friends with annie.'
oh, really, we're going there?
nice. so ex-girlfriend's name is pulled out, like some sort of hidden grenade. just for your info, sweetheart, she seemed to say haughtily. immediately after putting out the 'i hate your face because you're fucking with my friend's ex,' she smiles icily and goes back to leaning all over the boy. i am speechless. and raging. and my stupid boy is completely unaware of anything. fuck it.
i leave, ready to never come back. he comes outside, asks me where i'm going. home. he says he is going to go smoke pot with his buddies, and will i be around later? i shrug my shoulder and walk off. bastard. two hours later, after having a mini cry and falling asleep, he texts me. i ignore it. her texts me again, i tell him im asleep. he asks if he can stay over. i tell him the back door will be unlocked, but don't expect me to be awake.
as i am writing all this, i am wondering. why do i keep putting up with all this bullshit? on one hand, i know he just got out of a five-year relationship. i want him to run around, drink more than usual, let loose with his buddies, be accountable to no one. he needs it. he's been cooped up for half a decade. but on the other hand, i know that i haven't just gotten out of a relationship. i've spent the past few years running around, getting it out of my system. i want a fucking relationship. i want a boyfriend. i want to be able to rely on him, communicate with him, trust him. i don't want to have to nag him, train him, take care of him like some sort of worn-out mother. i hate that i have to remind him to study or get sleep or not drink too much. and for someone who isn't even his girlfriend, this sucks. he needs to be single for a while. i knew this from the beginning. and now, i know what i have to do. it just hard to think about doing it.
appendix!
man-friend: another word for suitor, your young man, gentlemen caller, lover, amigovio. definitely NOT synonymous with boyfriend. a great word for when your guy won't fucking commit to anything and you have no idea in hell what to refer to him as.
no, they did not make a movie about my life. and maybe the nerdy boy in the movie dreams of producing a rock opera about dracula using puppetry, instead of a dark thriller film. and maybe the movie in question takes place in hawaii, instead of capitol hill, like my life. okay, let's be honest. i am talking about 'forgetting sarah marshall,' and i just like finding vague life lessons in film and TV and attempting to apply them to my life. i'm over it.
but really. funny, great movie. not like, oscar materiel, but you know. and there are a lot of similarities to my own life. i mean, barista boy is, well, a barista. and while his ex-girlfriend is not a movie star, but rather a well-known bartender in the area, same diff.
back to reality. barista boy's childhood friend was in town this week, so that the two could start some work on a film that both of them have dreamt of working on for years. i had heard the plotting and planning for a while, but had not really understood the magnitude of this project. like, they are seriously making a movie. sorta crazy.
anyways, the whole week was occupied with the two boys running around scouting out filming locations, gathering an art department, casting and a whole lotta other stuff i didn't understand. i was excited for my guy, but a bit disappointed that i couldn't see him so much. on night five of film craziness 2009, i texted him. i knew he was doing a lot of planning with his friend that night, but couldn't we all meet in a bar and take an hour break to relax with a pitcher? well, turns out he was already at a bar. huh. with his friend, of course, having a "meeting." with the art department too. well, fine. i had been planning on going out with a few of my roommates, and turns out their bar of choice coincided with barista boy's bar. perfect.
at the bar, i spotted him right away. not wanting to interrupt, i just threw over a brief smile and mouthed, 'hi.' barista boy, in the middle of excitedly explaining some story, saw me and waved me over. i stopped by for a minute and explained that my friends were coming too (trying not to seem as though i was stalking him) and we would be sitting at the bar. 'stop by and visit?' i asked coyly. he grinned.
yeah, right. an hour later, my friends are at the bar with me, laughing and gettin' tipsy and throwing peanut shells on the floor. across the bar, barista boy's friends are doing the same. everyone is having a jolly good ol' time, except for me. he is still sitting at his table, drinking a third pitcher and hasn't even walked the twenty seconds across the damn bar to say hi to my friends. he isn't busy with planning out his epic film, he is just boozing and laughing. what's worse, he is laughing with the annoyingly cute 'art department' girls who keep flashing me bitchy stares every time i look over at the boy. well, i refuse to walk over to his table. i came here with friends, not to see him! and if he wants to hang out, i will be right over here.
two hours in, i am pissed. i am stress eating peanuts and there is a growing mound of rage at my feet. i think i have drank about five beers, but my brain is clear as a bell, working its way into a spiral of frustration. he is still with his friends. my friends are oblivious to the whole situation at this point, thank god. how embarrassing. my own man-friend* won't even come say hi. i feel like an idiot.
if i felt like an idiot then, i felt even more like an idiot ten minutes later. a large group of his friends got up to leave, clearing space for my friends to transfer over to his table. we all squished into the booth, somehow getting myself placed in the highly unfortunate spot next to his intoxicated friend and two art department girls away from my boy. more of my friends showed up and, wonderful as they are, attempted to make conversation with all his friends. as i attempted to avoid conversation with drunk childhood friend (speech was happening at a painfully slow speed), all i could do was stare across the table, at the two art department girls (alyiah and maya or some other dumb dead r&b artist names, i don't know). again, my boy was drunk, oblivious, and some dumb bitch was grabbing his arm and flirting with him. NOT DOWN.
the finale to the trainwreck of a night was about to happen. alyiah turns to me (finally noticing me!) and asks my name. i tell it to her, staring her down. 'oh!' she says, smiling like a smart-ass who already knew exactly who i was. 'so, you're her. hm. nice. well, i've known this boy for many years. you see, i'm good friends with annie.'
oh, really, we're going there?
nice. so ex-girlfriend's name is pulled out, like some sort of hidden grenade. just for your info, sweetheart, she seemed to say haughtily. immediately after putting out the 'i hate your face because you're fucking with my friend's ex,' she smiles icily and goes back to leaning all over the boy. i am speechless. and raging. and my stupid boy is completely unaware of anything. fuck it.
i leave, ready to never come back. he comes outside, asks me where i'm going. home. he says he is going to go smoke pot with his buddies, and will i be around later? i shrug my shoulder and walk off. bastard. two hours later, after having a mini cry and falling asleep, he texts me. i ignore it. her texts me again, i tell him im asleep. he asks if he can stay over. i tell him the back door will be unlocked, but don't expect me to be awake.
as i am writing all this, i am wondering. why do i keep putting up with all this bullshit? on one hand, i know he just got out of a five-year relationship. i want him to run around, drink more than usual, let loose with his buddies, be accountable to no one. he needs it. he's been cooped up for half a decade. but on the other hand, i know that i haven't just gotten out of a relationship. i've spent the past few years running around, getting it out of my system. i want a fucking relationship. i want a boyfriend. i want to be able to rely on him, communicate with him, trust him. i don't want to have to nag him, train him, take care of him like some sort of worn-out mother. i hate that i have to remind him to study or get sleep or not drink too much. and for someone who isn't even his girlfriend, this sucks. he needs to be single for a while. i knew this from the beginning. and now, i know what i have to do. it just hard to think about doing it.
appendix!
man-friend: another word for suitor, your young man, gentlemen caller, lover, amigovio. definitely NOT synonymous with boyfriend. a great word for when your guy won't fucking commit to anything and you have no idea in hell what to refer to him as.
Thursday, March 19, 2009
momentarily perfect
ah. twenty-four hours of nothing going wrong. finally.
last night i ended my four-day streak of working. and so, of course, i ended it on a high note: by plopping myself down at the bar at my Actual Restaurant Job and indulging in my shift drinks (plus some). happy saint patty's day!
ah co-workers. its the funny thing about working in a restaurant - one minute you are all about to kill each other, cursing their laziness that caused you to do ALL the side work or their inattentiveness that cost you that tip. and the next minute, you are all leaning on one another, drinking for hours at the bar and becoming Best Friends Forever. also sometimes one particular kitchen staff lady will start drunkenly showing you pictures of her cat. hm.
and so began my saint patty's day night. on beer number whatever, i was happily texting barista boy back and forth, trying to see if our paths could cross. i was distracted, however, because: 1. one of the kitchen prep cooks was getting boozy and talking to me about her cats. and 2. an old friend suddenly started texting me ridiculously flirty messages.
background info! summer 2008 was ridiculous in this girl's life. boy ridiculous. grade A ridiculous. details? no, too long of a story. facts. around july, i meet three separate boys: 1. McWaiter - an adorable server at the now defunct cafe around the corner. also an accomplished painter. 2. McCult - a gorgeous (think former model) film guy who works at amazon when he's not hanging out with his adorable and somewhat creepily close younger brother. also, he once confessed to me that his entire family was raised in a cult. absolute truth! 3. McBoeing - a nerdily cute engineer who had just moved up from california to work at the airline manufacturer. likes riding bikes and watching good movies.
did i mention the uniting fact that all three of these amazing gentlemen who each clearly pursued me during the last confusing six months of 2008 shared? oh yes, none of them were single.
thanks, universe. so, basically, each of them had either an off-and-on again gee-eff, a girlfriend who was currently in another continent or, in one case, a solid four-year relationship. and yet they all flirted, went on (basically) dates, called, texted, and in one case, confessed their attraction and attempted to kiss and subsequently, sleep with me.
stupid summer. i didn't let anything happen, but eventually, it destroyed the friendships i was attempting to maintain with the three guys. we fizzled out, stopped calling, and one guy moved away. but (back to the point!) on tuesday night, McWaiter reappeared in my life in the form of aggressive text-flirtation. all night, from my A.R.J. to (later on) the redwood, he basically text booty-called me. so bizarre.
avoiding the texts, kitchen staff cat lady and i headed over to aforementioned bar. i was eager to see barista boy, who was meeting me there, as well as some other co-workers. but as soon as i walked in, things started to suck. the co-workers who were supposed to meet me were so drunk that they were stumbling home. i couldn't find barista boy. and beyond being stuck with cat lady, suddenly my slutty capitol hill record appeared EVERYWHERE. McTrendy, McFlower, and this random guy who i don't even have a name for all boozingly surrounded me. i was forced to smile awkwardly, give the obligatory hug and 'oh hi! i havent seen you in forever!' and politely decline a drink. uggg. and yes, perfect timing, as the prior hookups of my life presented themselves in practically fucking alphabetical order (while my phone is going nuts with McWaiter texting like crazy AND kitchen staff cat lady is leaning on me asking if i want to drink more - yes.), suddenly behind me barista boy shows up. 'what's going on?,' he asks.
FML*
somehow i ward off the crowds of embarrassment and sit down for a drink with my coffee crush. and then, suddenly, things are good. kitchen staff lady finds a few friends to talk to. embarrassing mistakes disappear. drinks also disappear. and next thing i know, barista boy and i are happily stumbling home.
the next morning is warm sunshine spilling onto shared sheets, my cats climbing into bed with us and waking us up with their purrs. we slept in, well-aware of our lack of obligations for the day. around noon we finally dressed and walked over to his coffee shop, for delicious espresso and reading the paper. we grabbed lunch at a near-by vietnamese restaurant; catching ourselves feeding one another tidbits from our respective plates via shared chopsticks and elbows on tables; wanting the distance caused by the tiny table to be less. so relationshipXcore!
later we caught a bus to the u-district, with barista boy jumping off the bus at an unexpected stop, lightly tugging my hand along with him. why? because he wanted to show me an amazing exhibition at an art gallery. cute. next, we walked to his house and sat around listening to belle & sebastian records while screen printing t-shirts for my friend. double cute. the wonderful twenty-four hours of my life ended with him walking me back to my place, stopping in the middle of a sidewalk along a busy street to passionately smooch me. actually we were in front of a full bus. sort of public, sort of disgusting, sort of i melted.
i continued my evening in a haze of stopping by my new work for orientation and later, a housewarming party for a friend. yet i couldn't get my brain off my wonderfully amazing day. so silly, so not logical. but here i am. ugg.
appendix!
* FML - Fuck My Life. a phrase that immediately demands sympathy from others. often follows an unfortunate 'that REALLY sucks, dude!' story or series of unfortunate events (not the book). also a website. someone, apparently, had the wonderful idea of compiling submitted FML stories in handy, constantly updated blog form. http://www.fmylife.com
last night i ended my four-day streak of working. and so, of course, i ended it on a high note: by plopping myself down at the bar at my Actual Restaurant Job and indulging in my shift drinks (plus some). happy saint patty's day!
ah co-workers. its the funny thing about working in a restaurant - one minute you are all about to kill each other, cursing their laziness that caused you to do ALL the side work or their inattentiveness that cost you that tip. and the next minute, you are all leaning on one another, drinking for hours at the bar and becoming Best Friends Forever. also sometimes one particular kitchen staff lady will start drunkenly showing you pictures of her cat. hm.
and so began my saint patty's day night. on beer number whatever, i was happily texting barista boy back and forth, trying to see if our paths could cross. i was distracted, however, because: 1. one of the kitchen prep cooks was getting boozy and talking to me about her cats. and 2. an old friend suddenly started texting me ridiculously flirty messages.
background info! summer 2008 was ridiculous in this girl's life. boy ridiculous. grade A ridiculous. details? no, too long of a story. facts. around july, i meet three separate boys: 1. McWaiter - an adorable server at the now defunct cafe around the corner. also an accomplished painter. 2. McCult - a gorgeous (think former model) film guy who works at amazon when he's not hanging out with his adorable and somewhat creepily close younger brother. also, he once confessed to me that his entire family was raised in a cult. absolute truth! 3. McBoeing - a nerdily cute engineer who had just moved up from california to work at the airline manufacturer. likes riding bikes and watching good movies.
did i mention the uniting fact that all three of these amazing gentlemen who each clearly pursued me during the last confusing six months of 2008 shared? oh yes, none of them were single.
thanks, universe. so, basically, each of them had either an off-and-on again gee-eff, a girlfriend who was currently in another continent or, in one case, a solid four-year relationship. and yet they all flirted, went on (basically) dates, called, texted, and in one case, confessed their attraction and attempted to kiss and subsequently, sleep with me.
stupid summer. i didn't let anything happen, but eventually, it destroyed the friendships i was attempting to maintain with the three guys. we fizzled out, stopped calling, and one guy moved away. but (back to the point!) on tuesday night, McWaiter reappeared in my life in the form of aggressive text-flirtation. all night, from my A.R.J. to (later on) the redwood, he basically text booty-called me. so bizarre.
avoiding the texts, kitchen staff cat lady and i headed over to aforementioned bar. i was eager to see barista boy, who was meeting me there, as well as some other co-workers. but as soon as i walked in, things started to suck. the co-workers who were supposed to meet me were so drunk that they were stumbling home. i couldn't find barista boy. and beyond being stuck with cat lady, suddenly my slutty capitol hill record appeared EVERYWHERE. McTrendy, McFlower, and this random guy who i don't even have a name for all boozingly surrounded me. i was forced to smile awkwardly, give the obligatory hug and 'oh hi! i havent seen you in forever!' and politely decline a drink. uggg. and yes, perfect timing, as the prior hookups of my life presented themselves in practically fucking alphabetical order (while my phone is going nuts with McWaiter texting like crazy AND kitchen staff cat lady is leaning on me asking if i want to drink more - yes.), suddenly behind me barista boy shows up. 'what's going on?,' he asks.
FML*
somehow i ward off the crowds of embarrassment and sit down for a drink with my coffee crush. and then, suddenly, things are good. kitchen staff lady finds a few friends to talk to. embarrassing mistakes disappear. drinks also disappear. and next thing i know, barista boy and i are happily stumbling home.
the next morning is warm sunshine spilling onto shared sheets, my cats climbing into bed with us and waking us up with their purrs. we slept in, well-aware of our lack of obligations for the day. around noon we finally dressed and walked over to his coffee shop, for delicious espresso and reading the paper. we grabbed lunch at a near-by vietnamese restaurant; catching ourselves feeding one another tidbits from our respective plates via shared chopsticks and elbows on tables; wanting the distance caused by the tiny table to be less. so relationshipXcore!
later we caught a bus to the u-district, with barista boy jumping off the bus at an unexpected stop, lightly tugging my hand along with him. why? because he wanted to show me an amazing exhibition at an art gallery. cute. next, we walked to his house and sat around listening to belle & sebastian records while screen printing t-shirts for my friend. double cute. the wonderful twenty-four hours of my life ended with him walking me back to my place, stopping in the middle of a sidewalk along a busy street to passionately smooch me. actually we were in front of a full bus. sort of public, sort of disgusting, sort of i melted.
i continued my evening in a haze of stopping by my new work for orientation and later, a housewarming party for a friend. yet i couldn't get my brain off my wonderfully amazing day. so silly, so not logical. but here i am. ugg.
appendix!
* FML - Fuck My Life. a phrase that immediately demands sympathy from others. often follows an unfortunate 'that REALLY sucks, dude!' story or series of unfortunate events (not the book). also a website. someone, apparently, had the wonderful idea of compiling submitted FML stories in handy, constantly updated blog form. http://www.fmylife.com
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
another day another dollar
all of a sudden, it seems like everything is just falling into place.
jobs! jobs, money, surviving, etc. so good. one week ago today, i was at the point of poverty in which i walked to the bank in the rain to deposit thirty-seven dollars and forty-five cents in change so that my electricity bill check would not bounce. SAD. and then i walked to the consignment store where i sold a good deal of my clothes for twenty dollars and eighty-one cents, so that i could go out and drink. MORE SAD.
things have improved. on wednesday, i was called to see if i wanted a shift at my McCatering job for saturday. yes, please. thursday, i went in for interview number two at a local Independent Coffee Shop (I.C.S.). wonderfully enough, the management is pretty easy-going. so easy-going, in fact, that the owner suggested we go down the street to a bar for my interview. we chatted for a few hours, drank some drangles*, got a little buzzy, laughed lots, and, BAM! i was hired. i love capitol hill.
the next day at my Actual Restaurant Job., i was asked to cover several shifts this coming week. not just any shifts. prime servings shifts. which equals mucho dinero in tips. no joke, if i work just two of these serving shifts, i've paid for a month's worth of rent. cha-ching!
so, extra shifts, new job, and tips galore. money problems temporarily gone. and then there's the boy problems. not exactly problems, just stress, drama, etc. after getting back from portland, suddenly things seemed different with this boy. more real, more genuine. maybe we both had time to evaluate things? i don't know, but things have been good. thursday night, i was sitting at home listening to music when he called. it was 1 in the morning, and he sounded a bit drunk. he asked me to come meet him at the rosebud, so i threw on a coat and met him. i found him slouched over a whisky and looking a lot like he did the first night we met. he was joking around with his co-workers, but i could tell he was upset about something. as we walked up and down the pike/pine corridor, he started beating up on himself unnecessarily. i grabbed his arm and demanded to know what was wrong. he sighed, leaned against the wall by the comet and looked down. "i had lunch with her today. she told me she was moving to sacramento to be with her boyfriend. i asked her if it was a bit soon to move in with someone she's only been dating two months..." he trailed off. "and then i realized what every single one of my friends knew. they've been dating a lot longer than two months."
shit. wow, ouch.
so the ex-girlfriend had been going behind his back when they were dating. and poor boy, he always tends to see only the good in people. i mean, he wanted to think of his ex as a decent person, keep on cordial terms with her and always had only good things to say about her. but now, as we walked back to my house, he grew bitter. "she's a horrible person," he mumbled. he suddenly stopped and apologized to me for 'over-sharing' as he called it. i grabbed his arm as he looked away from me and stared at him. "no," i said, "this is what it should be. sharing our thoughts, feelings. i feel like we barely know each other sometimes. but i want to know you."
(moment!)
and there it is. the moment, three in the morning, standing under the flickering street lamp in front of that empty parking lot on 11th, staring at each other, wrapped up in emotion and me telling him i cared about him and wanted to understand what was going on in his head and heart, and him almost in tears, hugging me, believing that i actually cared for him as much as i said i did. it was... i don't know. a step.
and then we went home, and just slept in each others arms, barely kissing, just hugging each other. ridiculously romantic. this isn't even me. i don't know what any of this is.
back to the real world. work work work. i went into work (A.R.J) on friday morning (dazed from the previous night's conversation) and barely left work until monday night. it was crazy from hour one. i made coffee, drinks, ran food, served bar stools and tables and hosted and at one point, arranged cheeses. i also drank wine, freaked out and screamed at co-workers during my intense four-day marathon of work. on sunday, i worked a double. i was there at 9am and ended up breaking the record for most amount of hours spent working/breaking/drinking at my work. my first shift was seven hours and the next was four. but in between shifts i drank and after my second shift i drank and when my co-worker susie got off work at 11, we both drank. suddenly it was 3am and about half a dozen front of house and kitchen people were boozing heavily in the closed restaurant, helping ourselves to paper cups full of stella artois from the tap. and i hadn't left the restaurant in 18 hours. i love working in the restaurant industry.
today i slept in, resting from the ridiculous amount of work i've done in the past weekend. yet tonight i host, and it is st. patty's day. get ready to bust out the alcohol to anyone who wishes they were irish. my goodness my guiness...
appendix!
* drangles: afternoon drinks! or lunch-time. or breakfast... basically anytime when you drink and feel guilty about the early hour that you have begun boozing.
jobs! jobs, money, surviving, etc. so good. one week ago today, i was at the point of poverty in which i walked to the bank in the rain to deposit thirty-seven dollars and forty-five cents in change so that my electricity bill check would not bounce. SAD. and then i walked to the consignment store where i sold a good deal of my clothes for twenty dollars and eighty-one cents, so that i could go out and drink. MORE SAD.
things have improved. on wednesday, i was called to see if i wanted a shift at my McCatering job for saturday. yes, please. thursday, i went in for interview number two at a local Independent Coffee Shop (I.C.S.). wonderfully enough, the management is pretty easy-going. so easy-going, in fact, that the owner suggested we go down the street to a bar for my interview. we chatted for a few hours, drank some drangles*, got a little buzzy, laughed lots, and, BAM! i was hired. i love capitol hill.
the next day at my Actual Restaurant Job., i was asked to cover several shifts this coming week. not just any shifts. prime servings shifts. which equals mucho dinero in tips. no joke, if i work just two of these serving shifts, i've paid for a month's worth of rent. cha-ching!
so, extra shifts, new job, and tips galore. money problems temporarily gone. and then there's the boy problems. not exactly problems, just stress, drama, etc. after getting back from portland, suddenly things seemed different with this boy. more real, more genuine. maybe we both had time to evaluate things? i don't know, but things have been good. thursday night, i was sitting at home listening to music when he called. it was 1 in the morning, and he sounded a bit drunk. he asked me to come meet him at the rosebud, so i threw on a coat and met him. i found him slouched over a whisky and looking a lot like he did the first night we met. he was joking around with his co-workers, but i could tell he was upset about something. as we walked up and down the pike/pine corridor, he started beating up on himself unnecessarily. i grabbed his arm and demanded to know what was wrong. he sighed, leaned against the wall by the comet and looked down. "i had lunch with her today. she told me she was moving to sacramento to be with her boyfriend. i asked her if it was a bit soon to move in with someone she's only been dating two months..." he trailed off. "and then i realized what every single one of my friends knew. they've been dating a lot longer than two months."
shit. wow, ouch.
so the ex-girlfriend had been going behind his back when they were dating. and poor boy, he always tends to see only the good in people. i mean, he wanted to think of his ex as a decent person, keep on cordial terms with her and always had only good things to say about her. but now, as we walked back to my house, he grew bitter. "she's a horrible person," he mumbled. he suddenly stopped and apologized to me for 'over-sharing' as he called it. i grabbed his arm as he looked away from me and stared at him. "no," i said, "this is what it should be. sharing our thoughts, feelings. i feel like we barely know each other sometimes. but i want to know you."
(moment!)
and there it is. the moment, three in the morning, standing under the flickering street lamp in front of that empty parking lot on 11th, staring at each other, wrapped up in emotion and me telling him i cared about him and wanted to understand what was going on in his head and heart, and him almost in tears, hugging me, believing that i actually cared for him as much as i said i did. it was... i don't know. a step.
and then we went home, and just slept in each others arms, barely kissing, just hugging each other. ridiculously romantic. this isn't even me. i don't know what any of this is.
back to the real world. work work work. i went into work (A.R.J) on friday morning (dazed from the previous night's conversation) and barely left work until monday night. it was crazy from hour one. i made coffee, drinks, ran food, served bar stools and tables and hosted and at one point, arranged cheeses. i also drank wine, freaked out and screamed at co-workers during my intense four-day marathon of work. on sunday, i worked a double. i was there at 9am and ended up breaking the record for most amount of hours spent working/breaking/drinking at my work. my first shift was seven hours and the next was four. but in between shifts i drank and after my second shift i drank and when my co-worker susie got off work at 11, we both drank. suddenly it was 3am and about half a dozen front of house and kitchen people were boozing heavily in the closed restaurant, helping ourselves to paper cups full of stella artois from the tap. and i hadn't left the restaurant in 18 hours. i love working in the restaurant industry.
today i slept in, resting from the ridiculous amount of work i've done in the past weekend. yet tonight i host, and it is st. patty's day. get ready to bust out the alcohol to anyone who wishes they were irish. my goodness my guiness...
appendix!
* drangles: afternoon drinks! or lunch-time. or breakfast... basically anytime when you drink and feel guilty about the early hour that you have begun boozing.
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
what had happened
okay, so the last post was a little hasty. and severe. if i can break this all down into two parts maybe we can figure out what had happened...
part one.
the beginning of the week was spent in a haze of McCatering, fun nights at little pubs, and of course, another dream run of deliciously nice dates with barista boy. he holds my hand when we walk around town, he buys me coffees and beers and food, he introduces me to his friends. etc etc etc. getting a little boyfriendXcore. but the scary thing is, i don't really mind.
wednesday! i am having a chill evening, hanging out with four nashville guys who are crashing at the goblin house*. then my friend susie calls and wants to grab a drink. i head over to oddfellows and we class it up, olympia style. i casually text barista boy, who had mentioned he was going to be at the comet that night for a show.
and then. barista boy comes crashing into oddfellows around 1. drunk. and with his even drunker female roommate. and drunker female roommate is ALL OVER HIM. yes, she is like 30. yes, she has a boyfriend. yes, she barely knows him. but seriously. bitch, please. and to make matters worse, when barista boy gets up to use the bathroom, she leans over the table to susie and i and whispers (more like shouts): "so which one of you is trying to fuck him?"
???
in the next few minutes i casually assure her that:
1. we aren't trying anything
2. don't worry, he's already being taken care of
3. actually, the girl she saw leaving the house the other morning was ME
4. NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS
actually the last point was never uttered but was strongly hinted at. the night ended with drunk roommate, barista boy and me standing outside oddfellows; me trying to have a conversation with barista boy and drunk roommate annoyingly trying to hail a cab. the conversation with barista boy was also just about the most confusing thing ever, and one i will attempt to summarize in yet another numbered list.
basically:
1. i really, really, really, really (etc etc etc) like you.
2. wait, are we dating?! (why is he asking me this? i thought we already agreed we were not.)
3. okay, we're not dating. buuuuuuut there's no one else i am seeing, or even want to see. and you're free to do what you want, but i just want to let you know that it would be hard for me to see you with someone else.
???
so... we're exclusively not dating?
part two.
i was sick of trying to figure all of this out. sick of the guessing games. sick of the back and forth. sick of feeling like a cranky girlfriend (but NOT a girlfriend!). so i decided to go to portland for the weekend. got my shift covered, bought a train ticket and called up my wonderful, crazy portland sistah kiki.
i arrived in portland friday night and headed straight to NE to meet kiki at a bar. coincidentally, the weekend i choose to flee seattle was also the weekend that all of seattle was in portland. the U.S. barista competition (yes, there is such a thing. nerdy) brought up frey, steven, brandon, cortney and a bunch of other seattle kids were packed into the ace hotel amidst all the convention center craziness and nightly barista parties (=nutty amounts of free alcohol). besides this, the four nashville guys that had been crashing at my house were now in portland. seattle invasion!
anyways. met up with kiki at a bar, she introduced me to her delightful roommates: ruji (sarcastic gay girl studying copyediting and selling sex toys made from recycled bicycle bits), regina (quiet bespeckled girl and recovering heroin addict) and levi (cute nerdy boy grad student studying math and tutoring undergrad students. just got out of a girl situation... trouble). we all got beers and sat outside smoking. i ended up talking with levi for a while, comparing notes and lamenting our not-dating situations. and then it happened. i was flirting again! what was i doing?!
the night went on, we hit up a few more bars and then drove downtown to the fez dance club. i havent been out dancing in a while but this place was crazy fun - copious amounts of silly kids dancing their little hearts out in converse shoes and hoodies. the music was all MIA to wham to rhianna. totally danceable. half way through a coupla vodka sours i realized that kiki and one of the nashville travelers had snuggled up in a corner. my buddy steven had disappeared and now all i had was a high blood alcohol content, some good tunes, and a sweet, flirty boy in front of me... two seconds later we were millimeters away from making a Ridiculous Mistake. i pulled myself and my dumb face away from him and walked away briskly. i waved my hands in front of my face a few times, almost as an afterthought, to indicate that my reason for walking away was purely a body temperature situation. i don't know if he noticed.
gah. i love how i feel guilty for almost kiss-cheating on someone i am not even dating! good lord this is stupid. anyways. back to portland. the rest of the weekend was delightfully stress-free. i hung out in NE, riding bikes to coffee shops, reading good books, laughing lots, having some good portland smokes, making lots of vegan food, drinking cheap beers and just sleeping in late. so wonderful. as for the whole levi thing, i managed to be ridiculously awkward around him at all times, providing kiki with an endless supply of things to tease me about. great.
i got back to seattle last night on the train. i felt wonderfully gross. the afternoon had consisted of kiki and i reading books in the ace hotel, grabbing multiple drinks at the ash street saloon, and then stumbling into voodoo donuts where i somehow acquired a commercial size frosting bucket full of half-day-old donuts; all before i boarded the train. arriving back at home, i shared donuts and stories before we all rushed out to the bars at midnight for my roommate josh's long-awaited 21st birthday festivities. frey showed up, and after doing the obligatory tequila shot with the birthday boy, we settled into a corner to dish on our weekends. turns out that things have been going good for her. very good. in fact, her McText is now her McBoyfriend, and among more important things such as she-might-move-down-to-san-francisco-with-him and her-mom-wants-to-meet-him and they-go-on-normal-dates-and-have-normal-conversations; besides all this, he asked her about changing her relationship status on facebook. cha-CHING! she just scored a 100% real, genuine relationship.
!!!
good for her. at least one of us knows how to date. maybe someday i'll learn too.
ps. barista boy showed up to the birthday celebrations around 1 am. he was drunk. i was drunk. we stumbled home and got a little rowdy. in the morning i realized that my roommates jerad was sleeping on the couch on the other side of my paper-thin bedroom wall. woops.
part one.
the beginning of the week was spent in a haze of McCatering, fun nights at little pubs, and of course, another dream run of deliciously nice dates with barista boy. he holds my hand when we walk around town, he buys me coffees and beers and food, he introduces me to his friends. etc etc etc. getting a little boyfriendXcore. but the scary thing is, i don't really mind.
wednesday! i am having a chill evening, hanging out with four nashville guys who are crashing at the goblin house*. then my friend susie calls and wants to grab a drink. i head over to oddfellows and we class it up, olympia style. i casually text barista boy, who had mentioned he was going to be at the comet that night for a show.
and then. barista boy comes crashing into oddfellows around 1. drunk. and with his even drunker female roommate. and drunker female roommate is ALL OVER HIM. yes, she is like 30. yes, she has a boyfriend. yes, she barely knows him. but seriously. bitch, please. and to make matters worse, when barista boy gets up to use the bathroom, she leans over the table to susie and i and whispers (more like shouts): "so which one of you is trying to fuck him?"
???
in the next few minutes i casually assure her that:
1. we aren't trying anything
2. don't worry, he's already being taken care of
3. actually, the girl she saw leaving the house the other morning was ME
4. NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS
actually the last point was never uttered but was strongly hinted at. the night ended with drunk roommate, barista boy and me standing outside oddfellows; me trying to have a conversation with barista boy and drunk roommate annoyingly trying to hail a cab. the conversation with barista boy was also just about the most confusing thing ever, and one i will attempt to summarize in yet another numbered list.
basically:
1. i really, really, really, really (etc etc etc) like you.
2. wait, are we dating?! (why is he asking me this? i thought we already agreed we were not.)
3. okay, we're not dating. buuuuuuut there's no one else i am seeing, or even want to see. and you're free to do what you want, but i just want to let you know that it would be hard for me to see you with someone else.
???
so... we're exclusively not dating?
part two.
i was sick of trying to figure all of this out. sick of the guessing games. sick of the back and forth. sick of feeling like a cranky girlfriend (but NOT a girlfriend!). so i decided to go to portland for the weekend. got my shift covered, bought a train ticket and called up my wonderful, crazy portland sistah kiki.
i arrived in portland friday night and headed straight to NE to meet kiki at a bar. coincidentally, the weekend i choose to flee seattle was also the weekend that all of seattle was in portland. the U.S. barista competition (yes, there is such a thing. nerdy) brought up frey, steven, brandon, cortney and a bunch of other seattle kids were packed into the ace hotel amidst all the convention center craziness and nightly barista parties (=nutty amounts of free alcohol). besides this, the four nashville guys that had been crashing at my house were now in portland. seattle invasion!
anyways. met up with kiki at a bar, she introduced me to her delightful roommates: ruji (sarcastic gay girl studying copyediting and selling sex toys made from recycled bicycle bits), regina (quiet bespeckled girl and recovering heroin addict) and levi (cute nerdy boy grad student studying math and tutoring undergrad students. just got out of a girl situation... trouble). we all got beers and sat outside smoking. i ended up talking with levi for a while, comparing notes and lamenting our not-dating situations. and then it happened. i was flirting again! what was i doing?!
the night went on, we hit up a few more bars and then drove downtown to the fez dance club. i havent been out dancing in a while but this place was crazy fun - copious amounts of silly kids dancing their little hearts out in converse shoes and hoodies. the music was all MIA to wham to rhianna. totally danceable. half way through a coupla vodka sours i realized that kiki and one of the nashville travelers had snuggled up in a corner. my buddy steven had disappeared and now all i had was a high blood alcohol content, some good tunes, and a sweet, flirty boy in front of me... two seconds later we were millimeters away from making a Ridiculous Mistake. i pulled myself and my dumb face away from him and walked away briskly. i waved my hands in front of my face a few times, almost as an afterthought, to indicate that my reason for walking away was purely a body temperature situation. i don't know if he noticed.
gah. i love how i feel guilty for almost kiss-cheating on someone i am not even dating! good lord this is stupid. anyways. back to portland. the rest of the weekend was delightfully stress-free. i hung out in NE, riding bikes to coffee shops, reading good books, laughing lots, having some good portland smokes, making lots of vegan food, drinking cheap beers and just sleeping in late. so wonderful. as for the whole levi thing, i managed to be ridiculously awkward around him at all times, providing kiki with an endless supply of things to tease me about. great.
i got back to seattle last night on the train. i felt wonderfully gross. the afternoon had consisted of kiki and i reading books in the ace hotel, grabbing multiple drinks at the ash street saloon, and then stumbling into voodoo donuts where i somehow acquired a commercial size frosting bucket full of half-day-old donuts; all before i boarded the train. arriving back at home, i shared donuts and stories before we all rushed out to the bars at midnight for my roommate josh's long-awaited 21st birthday festivities. frey showed up, and after doing the obligatory tequila shot with the birthday boy, we settled into a corner to dish on our weekends. turns out that things have been going good for her. very good. in fact, her McText is now her McBoyfriend, and among more important things such as she-might-move-down-to-san-francisco-with-him and her-mom-wants-to-meet-him and they-go-on-normal-dates-and-have-normal-conversations; besides all this, he asked her about changing her relationship status on facebook. cha-CHING! she just scored a 100% real, genuine relationship.
!!!
good for her. at least one of us knows how to date. maybe someday i'll learn too.
ps. barista boy showed up to the birthday celebrations around 1 am. he was drunk. i was drunk. we stumbled home and got a little rowdy. in the morning i realized that my roommates jerad was sleeping on the couch on the other side of my paper-thin bedroom wall. woops.
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Monday, March 2, 2009
sunday nights on the hill
last night was wonderful. seriously. perfect. maybe the little social matchmaker in me was pleased to see the nice array of couples around me (everyone from barista boy's co-worker and his nice little gee-eff to frey and - FINALLY - McText*); maybe i actually felt like i was one of those couples for a change; or maybe i was just happily slammed by the vast amount of booze and pommes-frites in my system. whatever it was, it was a great night.
who says sunday nights are for staying in? welcome to the hill. no one stays in really, because there is always a cheap pint (okay, let's be honest, it would be a pitcher) of beer calling your name around the corner and some boozy, divey bar where you know you'll run into friends or foes. it just makes life interesting. and if you do stay in, its with season two of arrested development and a coupla' tall boys of tecate.
my plan for sunday night involved something like this (written at seven o'clock in the PM):
1. reading a good book at presse (check) while sipping on some of the new tourraine wine that just came in (check)
2. checking my email excessively at home (sadly, check)
3. consider going to kings tavern because i just found out it is $3 bloody mary nite, all nite (check check check!)
4. probably end up on the hill again
5. maybe play some pool at quarter lounge?
6. hopefully end the nite with a gleeful gathering at the goblin house (assonance. or is it alliteration?) involving a little ritual called mexi-fest 2009**, part 4.
my actual night went something like this:
1. read a book at presse and drank too much wine. stumbled home.
2. checked myspace for a bit. ian texted me about going out to ballard.
3. tried to round people up to go to ballard but everyone was a'drinking already.
4. ended up at the stumbling monk with frey and McText
5. we got drunk-er.
6. stumbled over to barista boy's work, where we partied it up after hours style with him and the other baristas, courtesy of a fridge full (not full anymore) of company beers.
7. nine of us crammed in a car and headed over to presse, where we repeated #6 but more presse-style (where pommes-frites and actual hard liquor was involved)
8. drunkkk.
9. still drunk this morning.
someday in my life, i will look back at all this and cluck (cluck?) like some sort of mother hen (in my mind i will be wearing an apron and folding a lot of little kitchen towels to stack in one of my many kitchen cabinet drawers. oh lordy) and sigh, my, what an irresponsible life i used to live. but then, after a minute of folding towels, a tiny smile will leak out onto my middle-aged face full of worry wrinkles and too many years of chaperoning school field trips and i will think, "who the fuck am i kidding. i would do it all again in a heartbeat."
back to the list. let's divulge details! first of all, frey and McText. all over it. LOVE it. while we were sitting in the stumbling monk i was torn between wanting to find a convenient excuse to leave them alone for a bit and realizing that i wanted to nerdily keep observing their out-of-control flirting. in the end i suggested that all three of us go to get caffeine from the coffee shop where my barista boy was supposedly studying.
side note. i need to calm the fuck down sometimes. i am over-analytical, anxious, paranoid sometimes. okay i am a little bat-shit crazy. saturday night, especially, heightened my bat-shit craziness. after a week of barely seeing the boy, weird phone malfunctioning and stressful schedules, i asked him what the haps were for his saturday evening. he implied that he might stay in. no biggie. BUT. around midnight, when i stopped by oddfellows to see my good friend brittany, i was shocked to see barista boy exiting the establishment with a bunch of his friends! friends=fine. going out without me=fine. implying that he was going to stay in, acting sketchy about it, leaving me in the doorway off oddfellows with an awkward kiss and 'my friends are leaving! call you in a minute!' and NOT calling?=not okay. basically, it was just weird. and then the whole bat-shit crazy thing kicked in.
anyways.
back to sunday night. i had been texting barista boy all night, asking him if he wanted to join us at the stumbling monk. it is like, his favorite bar. he said he wanted to, but should study a while. i thought it would be nice to visit him at his coffee shop where he had been camped out with his books since his mid-day shift ended. when us three arrived, he had abandoned his books over in the corner and was drinking beers with his co-workers at the bar! pfft. studying, my ass. i half-jokingly (more like one-tenth jokingly) yelled at him and he shrugged his shoulders. i made a slight scene, throwing my mittens and hat at his chest as he made excuses, i yelled some more and all my bat-shit crazy rage from the night before made itself known. he just grinned and started smooching me, the little bastard. bleh.
long story short. frey, McText, barista boy, myself and all of the coffee shop crew ended up drinking at the coffee shop for a good while. we ended up rolling over to presse and drinking a heckuva lot more, and things just got happily fuzzy for me. as barista boy and i collapsed into bed around 3, drunkenly laughing and kissing and, well, yoooou knoooowww, we had this sudden, deep, crazy conversation. i told him i had never been in love. he said (cue the paraphrasin'), what is love? it just sneaks up on you. it could be the girl you left after a six year relationship. or it could be the girl you just met.
fuck fuck fuck.
and this is the moment i realize that this is the worst idea ever. and i dont care.
i woke up this morning and wanted to stay in bed with him forever. cheesy, i know. and then, when he left, i actually watched him walk down the street from my window! who the heck am i, all of a sudden? some sort of WB teenager? frickin' A. this is scary.
appendix!
* McText: he's from san francisco, him and frey met at various barista competitions (nerdy west coast kids!), they text. a LOT. sorta like a textlationship. and now he's in town (!!!)
who says sunday nights are for staying in? welcome to the hill. no one stays in really, because there is always a cheap pint (okay, let's be honest, it would be a pitcher) of beer calling your name around the corner and some boozy, divey bar where you know you'll run into friends or foes. it just makes life interesting. and if you do stay in, its with season two of arrested development and a coupla' tall boys of tecate.
my plan for sunday night involved something like this (written at seven o'clock in the PM):
1. reading a good book at presse (check) while sipping on some of the new tourraine wine that just came in (check)
2. checking my email excessively at home (sadly, check)
3. consider going to kings tavern because i just found out it is $3 bloody mary nite, all nite (check check check!)
4. probably end up on the hill again
5. maybe play some pool at quarter lounge?
6. hopefully end the nite with a gleeful gathering at the goblin house (assonance. or is it alliteration?) involving a little ritual called mexi-fest 2009**, part 4.
my actual night went something like this:
1. read a book at presse and drank too much wine. stumbled home.
2. checked myspace for a bit. ian texted me about going out to ballard.
3. tried to round people up to go to ballard but everyone was a'drinking already.
4. ended up at the stumbling monk with frey and McText
5. we got drunk-er.
6. stumbled over to barista boy's work, where we partied it up after hours style with him and the other baristas, courtesy of a fridge full (not full anymore) of company beers.
7. nine of us crammed in a car and headed over to presse, where we repeated #6 but more presse-style (where pommes-frites and actual hard liquor was involved)
8. drunkkk.
9. still drunk this morning.
someday in my life, i will look back at all this and cluck (cluck?) like some sort of mother hen (in my mind i will be wearing an apron and folding a lot of little kitchen towels to stack in one of my many kitchen cabinet drawers. oh lordy) and sigh, my, what an irresponsible life i used to live. but then, after a minute of folding towels, a tiny smile will leak out onto my middle-aged face full of worry wrinkles and too many years of chaperoning school field trips and i will think, "who the fuck am i kidding. i would do it all again in a heartbeat."
back to the list. let's divulge details! first of all, frey and McText. all over it. LOVE it. while we were sitting in the stumbling monk i was torn between wanting to find a convenient excuse to leave them alone for a bit and realizing that i wanted to nerdily keep observing their out-of-control flirting. in the end i suggested that all three of us go to get caffeine from the coffee shop where my barista boy was supposedly studying.
side note. i need to calm the fuck down sometimes. i am over-analytical, anxious, paranoid sometimes. okay i am a little bat-shit crazy. saturday night, especially, heightened my bat-shit craziness. after a week of barely seeing the boy, weird phone malfunctioning and stressful schedules, i asked him what the haps were for his saturday evening. he implied that he might stay in. no biggie. BUT. around midnight, when i stopped by oddfellows to see my good friend brittany, i was shocked to see barista boy exiting the establishment with a bunch of his friends! friends=fine. going out without me=fine. implying that he was going to stay in, acting sketchy about it, leaving me in the doorway off oddfellows with an awkward kiss and 'my friends are leaving! call you in a minute!' and NOT calling?=not okay. basically, it was just weird. and then the whole bat-shit crazy thing kicked in.
anyways.
back to sunday night. i had been texting barista boy all night, asking him if he wanted to join us at the stumbling monk. it is like, his favorite bar. he said he wanted to, but should study a while. i thought it would be nice to visit him at his coffee shop where he had been camped out with his books since his mid-day shift ended. when us three arrived, he had abandoned his books over in the corner and was drinking beers with his co-workers at the bar! pfft. studying, my ass. i half-jokingly (more like one-tenth jokingly) yelled at him and he shrugged his shoulders. i made a slight scene, throwing my mittens and hat at his chest as he made excuses, i yelled some more and all my bat-shit crazy rage from the night before made itself known. he just grinned and started smooching me, the little bastard. bleh.
long story short. frey, McText, barista boy, myself and all of the coffee shop crew ended up drinking at the coffee shop for a good while. we ended up rolling over to presse and drinking a heckuva lot more, and things just got happily fuzzy for me. as barista boy and i collapsed into bed around 3, drunkenly laughing and kissing and, well, yoooou knoooowww, we had this sudden, deep, crazy conversation. i told him i had never been in love. he said (cue the paraphrasin'), what is love? it just sneaks up on you. it could be the girl you left after a six year relationship. or it could be the girl you just met.
fuck fuck fuck.
and this is the moment i realize that this is the worst idea ever. and i dont care.
i woke up this morning and wanted to stay in bed with him forever. cheesy, i know. and then, when he left, i actually watched him walk down the street from my window! who the heck am i, all of a sudden? some sort of WB teenager? frickin' A. this is scary.
appendix!
* McText: he's from san francisco, him and frey met at various barista competitions (nerdy west coast kids!), they text. a LOT. sorta like a textlationship. and now he's in town (!!!)
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