friday night was a good night. well, it started out perfect. i came home from work, and frey, ruth, jerad and micah were all headed out to the comet for afternoon $1 PBRs. i joined in, and pretty soon we had a beeramid* stacked up in the middle of the table. i turned to frey at one point to mention that i had seen one of our mutual friends come in to my restaurant job. i casually threw in the fact she was with a new man-friend.
silence.
i had opened my big mouth again, and forgot who i was talking about. this friend of ours isn't just anyone. she is micah's two-time ex-girlfriend. and he's not dealing with it well. and i just said the worst thing possible, and now the shit was about to hit the fan. and hit the fan it did. for forty-five minutes we watched micah build the beeramid up to epic proportions, getting more and more cynical and bitter as the beers went down. we all looked around at each other nervously. 'i just am terrified to see her, terrified to hear about her dating someone and honestly, i just can't even deal with hearing her name,' he slurred before excusing himself from our presence and returning home.
true love? or tainted love? i don't know. as we discussed it, frey's phone rang. her face, a bit flushed from the beer, turned a shade of scarlet that wasn't embarrassment or warmth. something new. she ran outside to answer it. no need to ask who it was. frey has about the best situation out of all of us. after years of not really getting into the dating scene of having to wallow in shitty situations, she meets a guy at a coffee convention. they hit it off and begin an adorably innocent phone correspondence. they get to see each other a few other times, in LA, and then in portland for various coffee events. by the end of the portland rendezvous, frey has decided to quit her job, move to san francisco, and date this boy. its a coffee shop fairytale.
there's a lot more to the story, of course, but its nice to something working out. i am truly excited for frey, and her new McBoyfriend. i feel like everyone in my life is in some sort of drama right now, whether good or bad. john came upstairs the other day and suddenly asked me if i would give him advice. surprised, i put down my laptop and looked at him. he has been dating a terrific girl for ... well forever, it seems. after we talked about the pros and cons he decided to go over to his lady's house and talk. i saw him today. they are good. le sigh. then there's nik. his on-again, off-again lady lover came back into his life after tearing it up for a year. nik wonders aloud, is it me or her? did i set myself up to be treated badly? maybe if they can each learn to love themselves, they can turn and offer love to one another in a healthier way, i suggested. he calls her up. last, my friend cortney. she started dating sweet little barista brandon about five months ago. he is a 'friend of the family,' and a well-respected guy at my house. their adorable romance seemed fine, but cortney would confide in me that she felt like she was more invested then he was. after a few months of feeling shitty about being the only one who was saying 'i love you' and meaning it, they broke things off. at first, all of us friends prepared for another split of micah and his ex-girlfriend proportions. we wondered about parties, schedules, started thinking about how to arrange things so no awkward interactions would have to happen. but magically, things are fine! cortney called me on saturday to see if i wanted to play pool, but i was already with brandon. i told her and apologized. but surprisingly, she said she would show up anyways. we all hung out, they are friends, things don't have to change. wow. a good breakup? perhaps it is possible.
back to life. ive been thinking lately. maybe i have lost my standards for relationships. these days, my only requirements include things such as 1. he doesn't steal money from you. 2. he doesn't verbally abuse you. and 3. you speak mostly the same language and/or live in the same country. i mean, that only narrows down the pool a bit. whatever happened to similar interests, liking his family, being great friends, understanding his past, communication skills, and, oh yeah, being head-over-heels for a guy? i mean, really, head-over-heels. seriously.
as my man-friend and i flopped back on his bed last night, reaching for one-another and kissing and 'that was great' sorta stuff happening, i got bold. 'what are we doing?' i asked. 'i mean, what is this? i really like you, but im starting to wonder what this situation is? what should i call it?' my words crashed together as i got more and more nervous. silence. my heart dropped. so bad. i shook his arm, wondering if he had fallen asleep. 'i just... well, what are you thinking?' i whisper. 'i don't know.' he mumbles, not looking me in the eye. i shake his arm again, hoping, like a magic-eight ball, that it will wield a different answer. 'i don't know.' he repeats. i roll over and stare at the ceiling. i know damn well what his answer means. i don't know, means, i don't want to date you. for some reason, that hurts a lot.
i had lunch with a friend the other day. we haven't talked in so long, even though out of my entire friend group, we have always understood each other so well. heck, we have even dated each others' friends. actually, quite often. and in the end, we have always been there for each other. but the last year of my life seems to have separated us. when i left for south america, i broke things off with his good guy friend. it was a bad situation. his guy friend was the ex-boyfriend of the girl he was currently dating. if that makes sense. so while each of us was dating someone, our respective dates were in between fuming at each other and pining for one another. at times, my friend and i felt like props in their crazy post relationship game of war. my friend's lady even started posting rude things about me on myspace, which i couldn't quite take seriously from a 25-year-old who was acting like it was the height of seventh grade. so i quit, stepped away from all that. i knew the girl was hurting my friend, but he was in it for the long haul. i guess they broke up when i went backpacking in march. but by the end of summer, she had reappeared in his life, much to the dismay of all of us friends. they on-again, off-again courtship proceeded into fall, and then winter. we stopped seeing our friend, even though he used to be part of the core group of us kids. and then, in january, things changed. his lady-friend took a vacation. the next day, our buddy was back in action, going out to bars, watching movies, playing pool, going to shows. one night, him, micah, ruth and i went to a show at neumos, got drunk on PBRs, ran up and down broadway and ended up falling asleep in a pile of chips and salsa on the couch in the living room. it was one of the best nights of 2009 for me.
and then, we were back in action. long talks on the front steps about what was going on in our lives. getting coffee. one night, he took me out to the movies and we snuck in beer and candy, throwing popcorn like kids. yesterday, we went out to lunch. throughout everything, i had been avoiding the topic of his lady-friend. but now i jumped boldly into the question. 'so, are you going to keep seeing her, or what?' he looked at me, and shook his head. 'its just that, well, i spent a year and a half trying to wallow through this relationship. and the minute she leaves for this trip, i feel the most free and happy i have felt in a year and a half. i need to feel this way always.'
i want that too. i hope he can be free and happy finally. maybe its time for a little redefining on both our parts.
appendix!
beeramid: do i really need to explain this? a pyramid of beer cans. most impressive when built with such quality beers as PBR, rainier or keystone (light).
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